AJ "Trump" Smith may want to re-evaluate firing Marty Schottenheimer

Worst World Series. Ever.

Hope your case of the Monday's isn't too bad. Today, we look at the World Series from whatever point of view I feel necessary. In my eyes, this is about as uninteresting of a World Series as it gets. Literally, terrible. Texas and St. Louis.

MY LOGIC:
--How many people outside of the Dallas/Fort Worth/Ballpark at Arlington are Texas Rangers fans? I'll tell you. 12. Very few people actually care about the Rangers as a team. Sure, the Josh "Nobody Seems to Care that I likely used Steroids" Hamilton story is a "great story".  And the Rangers have one of the Brothers Molina (I believe Benjie "Monkey Boy" Molina is down there). But seriously, Baseball will always be second fiddle to Football in baseball. Fans don't really care about baseball down in Texas.

--Small markets will be an issue here. As discussed above, the Rangers fan base really doesn't spread too far. The Cards market spreads a bit further than that of Texas, but generally fans are older, because they remember the glory days of Stan "The Man" Musial. These fans can't make it past 9pm, which is an issue when it comes to watching games. The Rangers market, according to Baseball Almanac, is about 5 million people. The Cards is about 2.5 million people. A total of 7.5 million people. There are 8 teams who have a market larger than the Rangers and the Cardinals COMBINED. While not the smallest possible 2011 World Series (that belongs to the ever thrilling series of Tampa Bay and Milwaukee), it's definitely one of them.

--Am I biased? Totally. Will I still watch? Maybe a bit. I do believe that St. Louis will come out on top, led by Albert "Get your finger out of my" Pujols and Chris "If I Were A" Carpenter. Cards in 6.

By the way, the last two teams I cheered for in playoff series (The Yanks and the BrewCrew) both lost.

Pretty interesting article from the guys over at The Yankees Analysts here. Check it out if you get a chance.

Go Cards

First NFL Coach Fired

Every year in the NFL, a coach gets fired and he doesn't get to finish the year. Who will be the first to go this year?

Bill "The Hoodie" Belichick

No. Just No. This isn't a possibility.

Odds of being fired: -36%

Chan "The Drawl" Gailey

The Bills look remarkably good this year, mostly due to his offensive innovation.

Odds of being fired: 1%

Rex "Turf Toe" Ryan

The Jets are struggling this year behind a bad quarterback, mediocre run game, and overrated defense. Still, after leading the Jets to consecutive championship games, he should retain his job.

Odds of being fired: 1%

Tony "Soprano" Sporano

They have no quarterback. They overpaid for Reggie "Nickname Vacated" Bush, who has continued his lack of production on the field. The defense is just regrettable. They lost to Cleveland. They still have 2 games left against the Jets, and one apiece against Kansas City and Denver. The fact that it looks like they have only 4 winnable games should tell you all you need to know.

Odds of being fired: 95%

Odds of being fired first: 60%

John "Harbaugh East" Harbaugh

Baltimore looks good this year, the odds that Steve "Breakfast Treats" Biscotti whacks Harbaugh East either before the year is over or after the year is done is arbitrarily close to 0%

Odds of being fired: 0%

Marvin "C.S." Lewis

The Bengals are outperforming everyone's expectations behind the arm of Andy "Ginger" Dalton, but expect them to lose more as the schedule gets tougher. Look at the Bengals like a good bad team: The beat the bad teams, but lose to everyone else. To be honest, it seemed like a bad idea to extend C.S. Lewis, but it looks like he's pulling another decent season out of his ass. But I feel like Bengals management has to be getting tired of this.

Odds of being fired: 12%

Mike "Omar Epps" Tomlin

The Pittsburgh Steelers are 3-2 and the Rooney family has never fired a coach. His job is safe.

Odds of being fired: 0%

"Stand" Pat Shurmur

In his first season as the Cleveland Browns head man, he has a 2-2 record. I expect him to gain another season.

Odds of being fired: 2%

Gary "Close Shave" Kubiak

Finally! The Texans are going to make the playoffs! They have an elite offense! The defense is reasonable! They don't have to deal with Peyton "Forehead" Manning! It's in the bag! As Lee "Headgear" Corso would say: Not so fast my friend! Coming off a loss to Oakland, Houston is only tied at the top of their division. They should take care of business, but an inability to win games in crunch time has become a staple of Kubiak's Texans. If they don't make the playoffs this year, it's hard to see him retaining his job.

Odds of being fired: 10%

Mike "I have a bad case of the" Munchak

Another first year coach, this one replacing Jeff "Don't text me!" Fisher, he can't lose his job. If Fisher could go 17 years with 5 playoff wins and only 2 winning records in his last 7 years, Munchak can't possibly lose his job after just one season.

Odds of being fired: 0%

Jack "Of The River" Del Rio

In his ninth year as Jacksonville head coach, his team started 1-4, he now has a losing record overall, and he only has 2 playoff appearances over his first 8 seasons. He dismissed his starting quarterback just a week before the season to go with Luke "I'm still alive, really!" McCown. He's probably gone.

Odds of being fired: 90%

Odds of being fired first: 30%

Jim "Blink" Caldwell

He has transformed a team that had a shot at going 16-0 into a team that has a shot at going 0-16 in just 2 short years. Peyton "Forehead" Manning alone shouldn't be enough to cause a team to crash that hard that fast. The Peyton factor, however, may be enough to keep Jim Caldwell his job. Even though it shouldn't.

Odds of being fired: 10%

Norv "The Norvice" Turner

In his 14th season as an NFL head coach, The Norvice has a losing record overall. After starting 4-1, however, that could all change this season. Sitting at 103-105-1 for his career, he would have to go 7-4 the rest of the way, but it could happen. That would put the Chargers in a position where they would more than likely make the playoffs (Only the 2008 Patriots and 1985 Broncos went 11-5 and missed the playoffs). Still. If any coach in the NFL could blow it, Norv is the guy. Norv is the only coach to have the first ranked offense and the first ranked defense and miss the playoffs. A.J. Smith loves the guy and will never realize how much talent has been squandered in San Diego. Still, A.J. Smith fired Marty "Hit me with your best" Schottenheimer after a 14-2 season, so sometimes you never know. For that reason, I will open up the possibility that Norv is gone after the season.

Odds of being fired: 5%

Hue "Lewis and the News" Jackson

A 3-2 start, a competitive team, and a dead owner all contribute to job security for coach Jackson. It shouldn't be offensive that Al "Skeletor" Davis's death contributes to job security. The man was insane. However, new ownership may want "their" guy to be the coach.

Odds of being fired: 10%

Todd "The Comet" Haley

2-3 is his record after opening the year 0-3 and firmly on the hot seat. The 3 teams he lost to sit at a combined 13-2 right now. The criticism seems unjustified considering where this team was just 2 short years ago. Kansas City needs to realize that Todd Haley made them relevant again, not the other way around.

Odds of being fired: 15%

John "Crazy like a" Fox

In the first year of cleaning Josh "Can I please order a" McDaniels's mess, don't expect him to be fired. McDaniels left the defense in shambles and John "Crazy like a" Fox will need some time to fix it.

Odds of being fired: 1%

One more for the road.

A quick shoutout to Bald Vinny. After years as the head of the "Bleacher Creatures", Vinny Milano has announced he will not be renewing his season tickets. Milano is best know as the leader of the "Roll Call" at every home Yankee game. His presence will be missed.

What may go down

The Yankees season has ended. Any sports fan knows that, whether or not they are a fan of the Yankees. While we (the Yankees) have only been finished for less than a week, there are a few ways this offseason can go.

THE IDEAL:
The Yankees resign Brian "Ca$hmoney" Cashman really quickly, making things run smoothly for the rest of the offseason. Carsten "Charles In Charge" Sabathia is feeling generous and doesn't opt out of his contract. This will make Yankee fans very very happy and calm their nerves. CJ "Better than Woodrow" Wilson will sign with the Yankees, bulstering the pitching staff. AJ Burnett is traded away to the Giants for cash.

Moreover, Theo "I've Never Played Baseball, But I Still Think I'm Smart" Epstein leaves the Red Sox for the Cubbies, just as free agent season starts. The Red Sox sign no considerable free agents, and are stuck with the same roster as last season.

Epstein makes the Cubbies brilliant through moves that he never thought would work with the Sox. The Cubbies win 95 games and advance to the World Series, where they lose to the Yankees in 6 games.

THE BAD: Charles in Charge opts out with the Yankees and signs with Toronto, who found some mass amount of extra money. Sabathia wins 28 games next season with the Jays, and they win the division. The Red Sox take the Wild Card. The Yankees only win 79 games, their first losing season in a long time. AJ "Black Eye" Burnett, the ace of the 2012 Yankees staff, wins 13 games with an ERA of 5.68. Michael "Forehead" Kay is still convinced run support is a real statistic.

Epstein signs a long extension with the Red Sox. Through some risky moves, the Sox end up with "Better than Woodrow" Wilson and trade John "Ugly" Lackey to Japan for a few California Rolls. The Sox win 86 games.

World Series: Seattle over Houston. They both became miraculously good.

THE LIKELY: Ca$hmoney resigns with the Yankees. Charles in Charge opts out, but the Yankees sign him to a nice contract, ensuring his Pinstriped future. AJ Burnett remains around. Jorge "Po" Posada retires. Joe "Retardi" Girardi returns, making way for another year of ulcer inducing bullpen decisions.

The Sox have a decent offseason, returning the majority of their free agents. Peter Gammons is the new General Manager.

The Cubs, equipt with new General Manager, I've Never Played Baseball, but I'm still smart Epstein, sign Albert "Fingers in" Pujols away from the Cardinals.

World Series: Phils over Yankees.



Perhaps the ideal will come true?

The Philadelphia Heat vs. The Buffalo Williams

So, as a Philadelphia fan, I have grown sick and tired of watching Andy "The Walrus" Reid get no blame for losing games that are largely his fault. I went from my current home in Syracuse, New York, halfway across the state to watch The Walrus screw up another game, and after the Heat lost 31-24, I was a little upset. Not because The Walrus screwed up, though. No, I was upset because he didn't screw up. He didn't call a pass wacky offense when leading by 20 in the second half, he called a pass wacky offense when down 21 in the second half. He was able to save all of his time outs for the defense in the second half, stopping Buffalo short on third down for what should have been a punting situation. He had a game plan that averaged 2.9 yards more per play than Buffalo. He had a patchwork offensive line working incredibly well on most plays. The Heat scored 2 touchdowns and a field goal in the redzone, and now is when the players need to take the blame. The Walrus was 2 for 7 in the redzone last week. The only time this week the Heat failed to score a touchdown in the redzone was when they did; but backup Danny "Firefighter" Watkins had an illegal hands to the face penalty on the play, nullifying the touchdown. He was a backup, only playing because of an injury. It was apparently a good decision not to start him then by The Walrus. At least The Walrus didn't start King "Louis XVI" Dunlap, he would probably hold the next play. Problem is, there was an injury. And Louis XVI went in. And he held. This knocked the Eagles out of Alex "Oh" Henery's field goal range, so The Walrus played it conservative and made it a one possession game. Good call. The Walrus couldn't prevent the 5 turnovers from happening either. I only credit Michael "Pick" Vick with 3 interceptions. The fourth was ripped directly out of Jason "You can't always get what you" Avant's hands in field goal range late in the game. Pick Vick makes up for this before half. Buffalo holding a 21-7 advantage, Oh Henery is in field goal range. Pick Vick scrambles. Nearly goes out of bounds, cuts up field and keeps the clock running. Spike. 8 Seconds left, he takes the snap. The receivers just run to the back of the end zone, the Walrus clearly playing for a field goal. And Pick Vick waits. And waits. And waits. He throws the ball out of bounds, the clock at 0:00, the Heat do not score. Pick Vick threw 3 interceptions before this. 2 in scoring position. The third returned for a touchdown. But what Pick Vick did after the game was his biggest error. On fourth and inches, the Williams appeared to be ready to go for it. First down, Buffalo wins. No conversion, Heat ball at midfield. I think "They won't do it, they just want to draw Philly offsides." My Dad leans to me and says "I think they just want to draw Philly offsides." My brother says "This is too big a risk, they'll call a timeout if Philly doesn't jump offsides." The guy in front of me and back left say the same thing. So at a minimum, 5 of the 9 people adjacent to me knew not to jump offsides. So was it a surprise that Juqua "Start and" Parker jumped offsides? Not for me. But here is where Pick Vick comes in. "I think guys are just trying so hard to make a play," Pick Vick said. "We know what we're capable of, and guys all want to be the one who makes the play, want to be the game-changer. And I understand that. We're desperate for a win. So I can't fault guys for trying too hard." Really, Michael? Really? If you had the opportunity, not to get the ball back, but to get out of prison 1 month early, and someone on your legal team, like your lawyer, just had to avoid doing something stupid, like wearing a banana hammock to court, and you would have had 30 less days in jail, would it have been OK for him to wear that banana hammock? Just because he's working hard to win a case? Come on, man. Step up and be a leader for your team. A mistake took away a possession from the offense, and you dismiss it like that? Like one possession in a 7 point game isn't a big deal to give up on a stupid penalty? That is what upsets me. Does The Walrus need to go? Probably. Does the team need a leader. Yes. And Michael "Pick" Vick is by no stretch of the imagination a leader.

The most absurd letter ever and various other thoughts

So. I'm home. Back in the 518. I opened the opinion section of the newspaper here, and read the following letter.

"Girardi shouldn’t have held back ace in finale

Last Wednesday [Sept. 28], four teams had a chance to make the playoffs in the wild card races on the final night of the baseball season. Would it be the Tampa Bay Rays or Boston in the American League? The St. Louis Cardinals or the Atlanta Braves in the National?
The games themselves were epics. Most true baseball fans were channel-surfing, not wanting to miss any of the action. The Yankees were having their way with the Rays, leading 7-0, going into the bottom of the eighth inning. Then, the unlikeliest of things happened: Three Yankee pitchers imploded, as the Rays scored six runs. With a one-run lead entering the bottom of the ninth, Yankee manager Joe Girardi chose not to try to win the game. He refused to bring in baseball’s all-time save leader, Mariano Rivera, reserving him for the playoffs beginning two nights later.
Girardi’s inaction sullied the game. He owed it to baseball fans everywhere, but more importantly to the integrity of the game. You should try to win every game you play.
If Joe Girardi is not suspended by the commissioner for this insult, he should at least feel ashamed. No, this is not quite the Black Sox scandal of 1919, but it shouldn’t be minimized, either."

This is absolutely absurd. Rivalries mean nothing to this man. There is nothing quite like a good rivalry. I have literally no issues with the way Girardi handled the last game of the regualar season. In fact, I was cheering for the Rays. (See my earlier post for more on that)

However, now, I am a member of a new team, #TeamFireGirardi. Joe "Retardi" Girardi's overmanagement of the critical Game 5 was dismal. When you're spot pitching in the 3rd inning, there's no turning back. The Yankees could have won this game. Is Retardi the only one to blame? No. We can blame the "Terrible Three" of Alex "Centuar" Rodriguez, Mark "Horseface" Teixeria, and Nicholas "Nick" Swisher.

These three SUCKED. SO HARD this series. There was no need for them to bat all in a row. More often than not, it was three outs in a row. Retardi should have switched them up.

Lastly, where was Jesus "The Second Coming" Montero this series? He was non existent. What's the point of putting him on the roster if you're not going to play him? He can hit better than Russel "The Muscle" Martin, and his defense can't be THAT terrible.

All said and done, a disapointing showing for the Pinstripers. It's going to be a long winter, filled with CC Sabathia drama and NBA lockout drama.

And, the long awaited "Favorite Team Left", I'm rooting for the................. MILWAUKEE BREWERS! I dunno why. Just a change in pace. Go BrewCrew!

Andy "The Walrus" Reid's Halftime Speech

The Good, The Bad, and the Syracuse-Rutgers Clusterfuck

Hello, my name is Mitch and I am the other founder of this blog. I coached football my senior year in high school, which probably makes me the first openly gay man to coach a football team at any level. Football, it follows, is my favorite sport. I am not able to casually watch it any longer, as I feel the need to analyze everything I see.

That probably explains why the Syracuse-Rutgers game was so depressing. It was the most error filled game I have ever seen. I don't understand why Syracuse students drink at so many parties when their football games are a much better thing to black out of your mind. The game had 9 turnovers, 21 penalties for 143 yards, less than 50% completions, 5 missed field goals, a missed extra point, and a bad officiating error in overtime.

The first play from scrimmage was a fumble by Syracuse running back Antwan "Cutback" Bailey, which Rutgers recovered in field goal range. Did they capitalize? Nope (Chuck Testa). Two plays later was a fumble returned for a touchdown by Syracuse. The next drive resulted in a missed 51 yard field goal by Rutgers kicker San San "San Squared" Te, one of 3 misses by him on the game.

As the puntfest continued on, I grew more and more frustrated by the lack of ability that both sides showed in this game. At the beginning of the second quarter, San Squared missed his second kick of the game, which was quickly followed up by a Syracuse punt. Rutgers then followed up the punt with another fumble. Syracuse, with the ball on the Rutgers 26 yard line, played conservatively and kicked a field goal threw an interception to a defensive lineman on a screen pass. Rutgers scored a field goal later, and we went to half with a score of Syracuse 7, Rutgers 3. Greg “Gaptooth” Schiano decided to kick a 52 yard field goal forego a 52 yard field goal attempt right before the half, which seemed like a coaching error at the time, one that was surpassed later on (I’ll get to that later). Syracuse opened up the second half with a defensive stand and a touchdown, which was the last piece of offensive production in the game by Syracuse. The extra point by Ross “Extra Point?” Krautman was good blocked. I have a rule: when an extra point is missed, you lose every one possession game.

Rutgers threw an interception on the next possession, giving Syracuse the ball in field goal range, which they turned into 7 points squandered by playing conservative and making missing a short field goal.

Rutgers, on their next possession, had a negative 6 yard, 9 play drive that took up nearly 5 minutes. I don’t know how they did it. I think I’m repressing memories at this point. All I know is that Syracuse got the ball on a fumble inside of field goal range and drove the ball to the five yard line. From there, they decided to pass into the endzone. Syracuse kept the threat of the run by having someone in the backfield made the pass obvious by leaving nobody in the backfield and blew another scoring opportunity with an interception.

The fourth quarter started with Syracuse up by 10, and it was cut to 7 by San Squared when he hit a field goal. The Syracuse field goal on the next possession was made blocked when the coaches adjusted for ignored the way Rutgers blocked the extra point earlier. Rutgers then tied the game by returning the kick and not having a stupid penalty call it back mounted a long, game tying drive with 2:09 left. Syracuse had the ball in a long field goal situation with 30 seconds left on third down, so they ran the ball so that they would have the last play of the game be a scoring opportunity for Syracuse threw a pass to force a long fourth down just outside of field goal range. Syracuse pinned Rutgers deep launched a risky pass late over the middle which was intercepted and returned to field goal range. The mid length field goal was good wide left, forcing the game into overtime.

Overtime featured the worst coaching decision of the game, courtesy Doug “The Manimal” Marrone. Fourth and inches from the 4, he calls a QB sneak under the knowledge that his field goal unit is terrible launched a field goal under the boos of all of the 42,000+ fans in the stadium (Just kidding, many people left when they realized that they were going to die in 7 days after watching this horrifying game). The next 2 OT possessions were field goals by Rutgers, and then Syracuse fumbled and lost the game. The fumble was reviewed, and it was clear that Cutback was down by contact. It wasn’t overturned. We must remember that SU won against Toledo on a blown call that was reviewed and held up. My guess is that officials in the Big East aren’t allowed to overturn calls, but I can’t keep writing about this. Awful game. I’m disgusted. I want to go see my fun buddy Vic but after seeing Rutgers and Syracuse suck today, I don't think I need any more sucking today. I’m going to watch some baseball.